Wet Feet

Since getting home from the hospital I have been told that I have no limits on exercise... running, hiking, walking, etc. Since I could hardly stay awake throughout the day, it made it hard for me to imagine doing any of that again soon. Actually, just watching people run or walk their dogs made me very tired! It just seemed so far away.

Every couple of days I realize that I am getting better physically. My Bell Palsy is slowly healing. The scar over my heart is looking better. All the knots, bruises and dots on my arms have disappeared from all the blood taken, or IV's, or whatever else they were doing to me during the Great Nap. In the last 2 days in particular, I feel like I am finding my new normal. 

I kept holding back on running, well for many reasons, but I had given birth all of 10 days before my seizure(s) and cardiac arrest thing. So I kept thinking "6 weeks". Every parent out their knows exactly what I am talking about. You go to your 6 week post baby appt. and they give you the green light for 2 things...sex and exercise. Tuolumne is now 6 1/2 weeks old and I had no more good excuses. I really couldn't even use the whole "I had a sudden cardiac arrest a month ago" excuse because my cardiologist gave me no restrictions with working out.

Then I realized I was actually a little scared to go running. I had lots of questions going through my head. Would I feel my ICD moving around my heart? Would it hurt? Would I be tripping and falling the whole time since my left eye is off a bit? Would I have another Great Nap? So my mind was turning and turning. 

On one of my first runs with Bryce in 2006, it was a wet cold kind of day. I was jumping and dodging over all the little puddles. Trying my hardest not to get my feet wet so they wouldn't be cold. Well, the very first thing Bryce does is run straight through a big nasty puddle on the trail. I asked why he did that and now his feet were going to be cold and wet. He said now he could run. He didn't have to watch out for every little puddle in the way. His feet were already wet so he was free from the puddle dance. 

I finally did it. I went for a run and I thought about that moment with him the whole time. I got my feet wet literally since we were on the tail end of a good rain. I thought about LOTS of things during the whole 26 minutes I was out. The best thing I thought about was all the great adventures I have had with my husband and all the adventures yet to come. 

I am not allowed to drive right now so it was the furthest from the house I have been by myself in quite a while. It was so nice to be out. It didn't feel awesome. I didn't break any records out there that day. But I am getting stronger. 

My brother Jeromy and his wife Brittany own and operate a Crossfit Box in San Angelo, Texas. They did a special Workout Of the Day right after I got home to help benefit our family during this time and my recovery. I was able to be on Facetime with my mom for part of it and say hi to everyone there. It was extremely overwhelming! So many people praying and fighting with us! The next week or so (I have no concept of time and days right now) I received this awesome shirt in the mail! I found it fitting to wear this shirt on my first run back. So a special thank you to all of San Angelo Crossfit! You all amaze me!

After it taking me 3 days to write this, I am off to wash diapers! 

Enjoy, 

  

Tuolumne 1 Month

I am a little past due for Tuolumne's 1 month post, but mostly because this one will be a hard one for me. We were all home for 9 days together before I went to the hospital. Unfortunately, I hardly remember a thing from those 9 days. I do remember her being born and getting to come home, but after that...well, it is just some random pieces here and there. Even coming home has been a blur. The last 4-5 days I have been feeling a little more clear. BUT, more on on that later! Here are some things I have gathered about our sweet girl!

1 month

- 11 lbs

- 22 inches long

- 15 1/4 head

- 95% percentile in everything

- you still have your infant grey/ blue eyes

- you can still fit into most of your 3 month carter brand clothes

- you love to sleep on my chest, anyones probably, but I like to think I'm different :)

- you sleep a lot!

- you like to be awake early evenings during dinner

- I think you have a dimple on you right side near your lips

- you look so much like your brother!!!

- you like your milk however it comes just as long as it comes

- you are not on a eating schedule at all, sometimes 2 hours sometimes 4 hours (I never let your brother do that!)

- you used to be a very quiet sleeper, but tonight we are putting you in the living room! hopefully we will all sleep better for this!

- eye contact smile around 2 weeks though I felt like you smiled at me the first weekend!

- I was told about a week into my hospital stay, after my breathing tube was out, they put you on my belly. When they put you on me, you gave a big sigh and melted on top of me. There was not a dry eye in the room with family or nurses. I was told you looked like you were "home".  

- my mom said I giggled telling people I had a girl

- your brother held your hand before you were even a week old in the back of our car driving home one day

  

A Month

I am sitting on my back porch enjoying the breeze, blue grass music, and the sweet voices of my 2 kids and husband having a raspberry adventure. I woke up to a 1 month old baby girl and a 2ish year old that all of a sudden ask a MILLION questions including why to everything. I pretty much think he is brilliant and of course, strong and courageous. He invites me to explore and see things from a different perspective than I am unable to see a lot of days.

Tuolumne calls me to stop and sit. She cuddles, smiles, and wraps her arms around you in a way that makes you want to to stay still forever. It makes you want to freeze time, even though waking up at 3am still isn't my favorite thing, but she makes it worth it.

My husband has a way of calling me to freedom. To beauty. To a journey worth fighting to be on. To a gentleness yet very bold and fierce walk. He has a way of making sense of things that just don't. Or a way of making a good mess of things that you think make sense, which sometimes is a lot better.

I have no idea who knows what and what people do know who do know something. Everyone has felt everyday. You have felt the days of the week, an how the weeks turned into a month. For me, I woke up and a month has passed. That is what it feels like for me anyways. Details and the events of the month are given to me in small doses as I am trying connect all the pieces together. I will eventually figure out how to orchestrate this story in the way it should be told and the way God wants me to share it.

Right now, I can't tell you how good it is to lay next to my husband under the covers at night. It is so good to hear Cap laughing in his sleep at 4am. It is so nice to be home for breakfast and to feed Tuolumne with no assistance. It was so good to come home to trucks all over the floor, dirty laundry in the bathroom, and a bassinet in our closet. I am thankful for dishes, ants crawling on my feet, Cap laughing with his dad and the girl sleeping at my feet as a type.

We are all a little different, outside and inside. But next month we will be too.

Introducing the Kid II

She is here!

Tuolumne Song Ball

9lbs. 5 oz.

20 3/4 long

14 inch head

Born at 8:43 pm on the Summer Solstice, June 21st.

Tuolumne Meadows is region of Yosemite National Park,

 If El Cap represents the strength and boldness of Yosemite, 

Tuolumne is the Beauty and Freedom.

 We are all doing great and hopefully will be going home tomorrow.

We will write more later. We are enjoying our time with BOTH of our parents and 

our family of 4. 

Pull Ups and Bed Rest

My guys are awesome. I love these pictures and the smiles on their faces doing just what they love doing. You can see the love, the trust, the respect, and need for danger as these two play and spend time together. They are both strong and courageous! 

On another note, I have been on bed rest since last Friday. We haven't taken it too seriously. Well, I haven't. I had high blood pressure, but my blood work came back looking great.  I just think it is some end of pregnancy elevated blood pressure. I pretty much was taking it easy before hand. 

We are all doing good and just playing the waiting game now. Never easy. But well worth it. 

Enjoy

Life Today

Cap and I don't do the same thing every day, but we have always had a "routine" we followed to a point. Since January, we have been on a different "schedule" just about every week it seems. I am BIG on nap and night time routines so that has pretty much stayed the same. Here are some things that went on in the last 5 months that made our time go very fast and a little blurry!

- bought another window cleaning company
- MOPS
- trip to Texas
- Cap turned 2
- joined New Life Church
- started swimming again
- shared the news about kid 2
- very spotty work for Bryce until April (busy 1 week, then no work the next)
- in-laws bought a house and moved
- in-laws also went on 2 mission trip out of country
- Bryce has had great work since May
- work van broke down in the middle of busy
- joined a 4 week small group in February, but have continued it since then every week
- Bryce did a guys group at church every week
- spiritual growth and excitement

Tons of other stuff went on as well, but I wanted to remember the past 5 months and what it looked like. It has been a busy one full of a lot of commitments and set plans which was a little unusual for us. I still have been doing "school" with Cap. I would love to say I will post more on that soon, but we shall see. We are enjoying watching and helping him grow. He is very ready to have this kid come out!

Things me and Cap do lately.
- read a lot! lately while laying on my bed
- play in backyard
- water "his" flowers
- go to the park
- go to the pool
-  play with friends
- dr. appts.
- puzzles
- dig and find numbers, letters, or trucks in our bean tupperware
- talk...a lot
- grocery shop, he helps bag produce
- garage sales
- zoo

Things Cap does with Bryce (all of the above mostly...plus)
- rock climbing at Garden of Gods or Ute Valley Park
- walk to the bank
- tackle, wrestle, run, explores, etc.
- jump after jump after jump!
- bakes Daddy Bars weekly
- showers
- runs errands with just the two of them
- donuts

Even though I have been feeling VERY awesome, I have been very tired lately. I always lay down when Cap naps which is not like me at all. I just feel constantly worn out most days. Bryce has been a super husband and dad these past few weeks. He has been taking Cap by himself out to do fun things a lot lately. Cap LOVES it of course, and it gives me more time to rest.

I sleep like a champ at night. I only wake up once to go to the bathroom. But growing a baby is still hard work! I don't remember being this tired before Cap during the end of pregnancy. I remember just wanting to meet the baby inside of me and being so ready to experience it ALL.

I am of course excited to meet the kid 2, but it is different. Our family dynamic is about to change in a BIG way. I have no worries or thoughts about not being able to love another baby the way I love Cap. There is plenty of love to go around. In a way, I am more ready to be not pregnant and be the active mom and wife I was before to Cap and Bryce. I want to chase Cap around the house and throw him around on the bed. I am excited to go on adventures again and get dirty in the sunny Colorado weather.

Bryce and I laughed last night about how this time we aren't so naive like we were before Cap! We know what being a parent entails...the pretty and the ugly. The fun stuff and the really hard stuff. We know sometimes with your best intentions you can really stink at being a parent.

I love my family of 3 and how our life is now, but I know my family of 4 will be full of love and giggles and memories I cannot even grasp at this point. As I feel this kid getting bigger and more ready to come out and join us, I am cherishing the sweet moments with the "us" of today.

And the Pic...

I am pretty sure object appears larger in person! But here is the only belly pic I have.

37 weeks, taken by my good friend Lacey while we were at the zoo.