the day

I know it is easy to say this now, but I just knew I would deliver by my due date. In my readings of God's word, what He was teaching me, and what my heart felt I just believed it would be around the due date and not a day later. It was so incredibly fitting that Kid 2 come right on the due date. June 21st is my favorite day of the year. Summer solstice. Longest day of the year. I personally consider it a holiday and now it will forever be in my family! 

These first 2 pictures were taken right before we left to go to the hospital. My mother in law had stayed the night as we weren't sure if labor would begin in the middle of the night or hold off until morning. We knew it was coming though. I even talked to my parents the day before and encouraged them to leave the next morning which was June 21st. 

This was the last picture of us as a family of 3. Cap left the house first with Grammi before we took off and I cried watching him leave. I was so protective of him during this transition time. I also knew our family would never be the same. We were growing. Our time would be divided differently. I was very sensitive to this change and towards my little guy. 

the clock said 8:05am, off we went to the hospital 

We both went into this labor and delivery with a very different mindset than with Cap. With Cap we expected misery, pain, long labor, etc and that is exactly what we got. We took the appropriate steps to deal with the misery of birthing a child thinking that was our only option.

The second time around we equipped ourselves differently. Praying is a great thing. But I do think there  can be a better way to pray. We spent the winter and spring learning more about God's promises to us, His children, and mediating on specific scriptures. This really is a whole post in itself so I won't go into great detail. But we believed, spoke, and declared many specific things over this labor and baby.

Very briefly, the main difference I think was what came out of us, and what came into us. The things we spoke and believed and the things we let feed into our lives. okay, again...a whole post in itself!!!

So after spending a GREAT day at the hospital with just Bryce we had our baby girl Tuolumne Song at 8:43 pm. I will talk more about that and her name later on too! I know...all this waiting!!! It was such a different experience than with Cap. Everything about it. We were tired, but not exhausted. We were thrilled to have her with us.

first time nursing, quickly after delivery

they washed her in a different room, bryce went with her

cap never left either one of us at the hospital so i didn't care for this:(

my kiddos come out with a little meat on their sides!

this little guy stayed happy with his papa and grammi all day long!

what a blessing it was to have them close. it made me feel so much better

all day long knowing he was with family!

My parents arrived at the hospital within the hour of Tuolumne being born! It was awesome timing. Bryce's parents met her the next day since it was late and Cap was already in bed. We had to stay 2 nights in the hospital since she was born so late. That was a bummer, but nothing could be done about it. Cap had a blast with both sets of grandparents being here!

Then we began a different kind of journey! We were stoked to be a family of 4!

5 Months

- can sleep 12 hours at night
- on a way better sleep schedule most days!
- can be a little less serious
- sometimes you just talk and talk, especially to me, but you are quiet like your dad if enough is already being said
- somehow we haven't had any cereal bowls and plates in our laps from you yet, though you love to reach out and grab things
- you try really hard to get your bullet in by yourself, sometimes it works
- graduated to footed pj's
- had a bad cold type thing going on the second half of the month along with the rest of us
- you want our food SO SO bad!
- dark beautiful eyes
- you are never dry in the morning but are dry after most naps
- you are not as scheduled as Cap was at this age except for sleep, we learned a lot after him!
- you had an EKG and an ultrasound of your heart, it was great to see your healthy heart on the screen
- you are not in a rush to do things
- you seem to take life all in without getting completely into it
- when i put you in your bed, you always turn your head to the side and bend your head back to your toes...sometimes you even like your hands over your face while asleep
- you have the cutest pouty lip lately
- you take baths with Cap sometimes
- you like to be upside down
- we call you "little miss", sister, Tuolumne, and Tuoly

You are a sweet girl! Oh the adventures you will have as you get older and older. As time continues to move right along, we will enjoy watching you grow and explore the world around you. Thank for what you bring to our family. I love you Tuolumne.

Enjoy!

Post Script: At lunch I was saying how I thought Tuolumne was looking thinner, like may be she grew long or something....then I took her clothes off and realized I might have been wrong!  :) She is beauty.

I think this one below is my favorite

He insisted on a picture of both of them together!!!

This guy!

the day before

I am missing fun and big events from this summer on here, because of the Great Nap. Oh Great Nap, darn you... I decided it doesn't matter how many months have gone by I am going to do some catch up with pics. This will be round 1!!! 

These were taken the day before Tuolumne joined us on the outside. We enjoyed making our own popsicles while it was hot and eating them after rest time on the back porch. Cap would probably do it year around despite the cold:) His popsicle was dripping all over my ginormous belly!

This was the awesome Y pool we went to as often as we could! What a beautiful setting for this place to be. It was such a great pool with fun things for even the littlest swimmers to do. It was 2 miles from the house which was a HUGE added bonus! You definitely have to be a little picky about your days around here. This isn't Texas where you can swim for months without looking at the weather. I always looked at the weather and planned around it that way. What fun!

Enjoy!

Movie Night

I just LOVE this picture. May be all siblings are this awesome, may be I am partial to this sweet boy and girl, but Tuolumne hands down has the best big brother ever and Cap will forever have a friend and admirer.

We have all been a little under the weather with stuffy noses and lack of sleep, and we decided it was time for some Red Box! We rented Monster University. I think it is only right for the parents to enjoy the movie as much as the kids (though T didn't actually watch the movie....), but MU was the perfect solution to our need of rest. We ate popcorn, drank OJ and water, and stayed up a tad past bedtime. 

Last week the girl started to sleep 12 hours at night!!!! We started to feel a little human before the 3-4 night of sick nights began. My sweet husband did most of the night work. He seems to feel the best out of us all and does 10 times better at night than I do! What a man I have! But we are back on to better sleep despite our stuffy noses and congestion.

But now that the girl is sleeping through the night more consistently it was time to graduate to footy pj's. Now, some might say this is no big deal, but it is a right of passage at our house. She had way out grown her gowns but we kept using them because they are so easy to do night diaper changes. But here she is in her brother's old pj's as cute as can be. My heart is full.

Fall in CO

Fall has been very impressive around here this year. Though the colors and magnitude can't even compare to where we were out east, this has its own beauty and wonder! The new neighborhood we live in is an old more established spot. Big huge trees and nice old men who have lived in the same houses for generations. We just LOVE it. We have an awesome GIANT maple tree in our backyard which is just a treat! Trees and green are two words I would NOT use to describe the springs, but our neighborhood is changing my mind. 

We felt very much like a traditional American family the other day. We bought a rake and cleaned up the yard. We even bagged up leaves which I have done in over 13 years when I lived with my parents! Thankfully, a nice lady wants to use our leaves as compost at her house so they don't just get sent to the dump to fill up a landfill. Sounds silly to most, but I was very bothered by not having a better place to use them as compost. 

Cap had a blast and sister just took everything in with her own serious manner. We had leaves everywhere in the house after this night. It was great! Now that the sun is getting down so early we are looking forward to our family dark walks again after dinner. Enjoy the weather!!!

Fear and Side Effects

I have written and deleted and written and deleted, time after time after time. Usually I can round up the right words and formulate what my insides are trying to say. It has now been 8 weeks of trying and still I am left with all these things to say and share yet I stare at this blank page (or at least it was blank).

I am finding myself very cautious at what I say. I want it to be true, clear, pure, right. I also want it to be raw, vulnerable, naked, honest.

A miraculous healing DID take place. When I saw my neurologist a couple of months back, her face said it all. She looked at me in awe. She kept saying she expected me to be much different (worse off) than what I was and am (healed).

"Why do you look for the living among the dead?" I am a child of God, an heir to the kingdom, a daughter to the King, the bride of Christ...don't expect death when He came to give full life. Don't accept bad knees when he has told you 'you will scale walls'.

When I first came home, I was totally oblivious to everything that had happen and was happening. My son was screaming in the middle of the night scared we weren't going to be there in the morning. I would wake up to my husband checking my pulse. Family and friends were emotional and lots of tears were being shed. Nothing made sense to me. Why were things not normal? What had happened? This was not how I had envisioned kid 2's arrival looking like.

Fear and Side Effects...

Then the side effect speeches started. Every appointment I heard them. Doctors doing their job, yet telling you what you should fear even when there isn't a thing you can do about it in the natural world.

"Well, surely you are done having kids. You pretty much shouldn't have any more. Too high risk. Not enough information out there anyways. Most people who go through what you have just don't try. Oh, and since you have to be on particular meds your birth control is limited."

"Your levels still aren't where they need to be. If they don't get better by next time, you will be on these meds for LIFE. Oh, side effects may include: fatigue, cold hands, dizziness, loss of sex drive, depression, loss of appetite, weakness or lack of coordination,  blah, blah, blah, etc."

It all went from this simple yet extravagant healing and restoration to this realization and even some fear that I am mortal. I knew this. We all do, but it seriously hit me...we are all mortal. I could go to sleep and not wake up. You start thinking of the what ifs and these thought bombs start coming in attacking full force like you are in the middle of a war.

The more questions I asked about the Great Nap, the more answers I had. The more answers, the more I realized the part of me that likes to control everything, was not liking this.

Yes, I was grateful to be alive and with my family. But in it would come...Really, 31 years old, healthy woman and my husband was going to be widowed and my kids be raised with no mother all because of what exactly??? 

My Anger...

I ran through every emotion, but it was simply being mad that I found myself the most. Not mad or angry with God or with someone in particular, but mad I lost time. Mad I lost memories. Mad of what almost happened. Mad everyone had to go through this and yet I didn't understand. Mad at all sorts of things, including the enemy.

Even with my anger and realization of my mortality, I was not scared or afraid. From January until the birth of Tuolumne, I was on a very intentional journey on renewing my mind and filling it up with God's promises. Even though it helped us SO MUCH during labor and delivery, it had prepared us for the Great Nap. God did NOT cause the Nap, but in His goodness He had prepared and equipped us for what was coming.

"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid." John 14:27

Death has LOST its sting on me. I do NOT fear death. It has no power over me and it will NOT control or lead me on this life journey I am on. I am a follower of Jesus' teachings and filled with His Holy Spirit.

"You shall seek those who contend with you but you shall not find them; those who war against you shall be nothing at all. For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, "Fear not, I am the One who helps you."" Isaiah 41:12-13

"The Lord is my light and my salvation whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life of whom shall I be afraid?" Psalm 27:1

All and Always...

I am not a miracle or healing expert, but I do know God's will is ALWAYS healing, ALWAYS wholeness, ALWAYS health. It doesn't always work out pretty. Nice people die, family members get cancer, and car wrecks sometimes happen.

God CAN and DOES use these terrible situations to bring honor and glory to His name and to draw His children to Him. However, I don't think it means you "bow down" to the terrible and tragic events in your life and the awful things that surround you. God did not cause the "bad thing" to happen. It does NOT need to be part of your story. We need to stand up and fight!

We need to be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that we can take our stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

We need to put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, we may be able to stand our ground, and after we have done everything, to stand!

God is ALL knowing and ALL powerful and ALL good! The enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy. God's plan IS abundant, FULL life. We need to speak those blessings OUT not the many curses that we subtly lay out and about for the enemy to take hold of. There is a lot of power in the things we say. Small things and big things. 

Consider ships. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. 

the Now...

I am a woman who requires a little more sleep than others. Always have. So right now, I am still in the catch up and tired stage of "mom-hood". I am looking forward to when Tuolumne gets 12 straight hours like Cap, but happy we only wake up once to eat and then back to sleep. We will get there soon I know.

I wish I could say everyday we all wake up happy to be alive, with each other, and in good moods....but the truth is some days are just not so awesome. Sometimes I (or rather the kid 2) manages to get poop in my slipper, on the bed, and on my pants and it sums ups our moment. Other times we watch the sun rise all together from our living room and stare in amazement at all the variations of pink and orange that God has made. Sometimes we all laugh until our bellies hurt at the funny things Cap is doing or saying at that time.

More than anything right now, we are trying to be the salt of the earth. A light in the world. We are trying to seek Him and His righteousness. We are seeking mentors and those we can disciple. We are trying to teach and love our kids like crazy. We have a wild and dangerous family. I don't know what each of us will "do" one day, but we are focusing on the "who we will be".  

4 Month

4 Months and some change! We have had a crazy October around here. We moved houses, had lots of different out of town visitors, partially flooded new house, and now our place has become a small construction zone to repair the water damage. A busy few weeks for sure!!!

We are exhausted, but doing great. The girl was sleeping so good at our old place and hasn't gotten back since we moved here. However, lots of things are different and there are still things that need to be done to help the sleep thing out. We will get there soon!

4 month tricks!

- you laugh the best with Cap...good belly laughs!

- act like you are starving and freak out when you know tata's are about to come out

- eats every 3 hours during the day, rarely longer like you used to

- you like to put your arms over your eyes when you are sleeping on your back

- can have huge meltdowns when you are overly tired or too stimulated

- you stare and drool at every bite of food that goes into any of our mouths

- people often comment on your cheeks and how they love chubby babies

- you sleep SO GOOD in the ergo

- sitting in the Bumpo has changed your world, you love it!

- bedtime has moved closer to 7-ish 

- you keep trying very had to get your bullet back in your mouth

- you love being close...so do I

- 18.5 lbs. 

You are a beautiful baby who is growing up quickly! We love watching you grow and watching more of your personality come out. We speak so many blessings over you Tuolumne, including FREEDOM and BEAUTY! Thank you for teaching all of us and for the many smiles you bring into our home.