I was prepared for a life changer. I knew when we decided to start a family it would be a big one. I knew it would be one of the most selfless endeavors of our lives and we were as prepared as you could be. I knew there would be hard times, I knew there would be love and pain. I knew we would come against some obstacles as parents that where we would be tried and our faith tested. I heard there would be sleepless night and rest would come when all the kids were out of the house...possibly. Can you ever really be prepared and ready for this sort of thing?
What no one really told me about, was that the sleepless nights, start now, not when The Kid is born. I was not prepared for that.
I can go so many nights with little sleep before I have just had enough and melt down a little. This hasn't been quite what I had in mind for our fall here in Black Mountain. I was hoping to do our scouting for work while we were still kidless and the weather was nice. I wanted to map out the trails on our mountain and sew my little heart out. I was hoping to use our kitchen a lot more than we do now and many other things. After another sleepless night, friday was the start of a "poor me" weekend. I became well aware that the only thing I do now is work on this house. I even dream about it sometimes which drives me absolutely crazy! I can't sew or so all these other things because I am consumed on finishing this project and moving on with life. I am the kind of person who has to have a clean house in order to be creative. It is just how I do things. Well, this house isn't clean and that's no lie!
All that said, it hit me on this third day of pouting that I must get over it. For women especially, we can dwell and dwell on things in our head and it becomes extremely unhealthy. The enemy come to steal, kill and destroy everything including our joy. I have loved being pregnant and having this tiny human being grow inside of my body. What a gift from the Lord! I will not let the devil come and steal the many blessings in front of me. Instead, I will let some things go and start fresh.
Tomorrow is the start of a new month. Not only that, but it falls on a Monday. It may seem like a small thing to most, but the last time that happened was in March. March is the month that really turned our life in a good direction. A lot happened that month, good and bad. I started reading and journaling everyday. Bryce's brother Warren died and his grandfather Papa Tom. We had our 3rd anniversary and ran a 50 mile trail race to celebrate. We had a lot of good conversations about God, His will, hearing Him, etc. We decided it was time to start a family and both heard that from God in 2 different ways.
At the end of February when I realized March 1st fell on a Monday, I knew it was time to make some healthy changes in life. Bryce and I have always had a good marriage, but since that month, it has been a more than great marriage. I say all this as a reminder to myself that this is happening again tomorrow. A new month on a new week. It is a reminder to be intentional. God is good and has good plans for us.
This was a long one, hope that was okay. Oh, and I didn't proof read so ignore errors:)
This is just something fun to look at, our niece
3 comments:
Oh, spesh, my heart goes out to you, both of you. Motherhood starts early, even when we are only pregnant and can only dream of what this child will look like and be like. We were meant to be pregnant but that does not mean it is an easy job. It is often times tough on our bodies, emotions, and mind. We begin to wonder, "can I do this"?
It is a time to learn how to be selfless. We might have to give up some orderliness in order to hug lots! I know you are going to be a wonderful mom. I am thrilled to be on the side line to watch.
Open those eyes tomorrow, the start of a new month, a new day, and say with joy in your heart, " I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHIRST, WHO IS MY STRENGTH." His joy is and will be your strength. Seek that and I know you will be dancing. I pray He will give you, His beloved, sweet sleep each night. love, Joyce
i love you
and the pic of you and your niece, you are going to be such a beautiful mother!
-hannaH
Hmm.... can you ever be prepared?? For this sort of thing..... Wow.... did I ever think I was all those years ago. Of course for me the preparation started way before even pregnancy. Even as a small child all I ever wanted to be was a Mother!!! I dreamed of it always!! I imitated mothering any and everything thing I could get my hands on, from dolls to cats, to my younger siblings! My arms would ache even as a child to hold babies. Often asking to hold other peoples kids! I loved every minute I got to spend watching my kids grow up! I loved the hectic busy run here and there years! I would not trade my life!!
Was I really prepared... I thought I was.. I know one thing that is for sure had no clue about that kind of LOVE! My LOVE for my Kids! I am so eternally GRATEFUL to the LORD for allowing me to be a Mother to, Jeromy, Kendra, Bryce and Collin!!
I know it has been sort of hard at times with the no sleep but, it is all worth it! This I know for sure!
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