I am sitting on my back porch enjoying the breeze, blue grass music, and the sweet voices of my 2 kids and husband having a raspberry adventure. I woke up to a 1 month old baby girl and a 2ish year old that all of a sudden ask a MILLION questions including why to everything. I pretty much think he is brilliant and of course, strong and courageous. He invites me to explore and see things from a different perspective than I am unable to see a lot of days.
Tuolumne calls me to stop and sit. She cuddles, smiles, and wraps her arms around you in a way that makes you want to to stay still forever. It makes you want to freeze time, even though waking up at 3am still isn't my favorite thing, but she makes it worth it.
My husband has a way of calling me to freedom. To beauty. To a journey worth fighting to be on. To a gentleness yet very bold and fierce walk. He has a way of making sense of things that just don't. Or a way of making a good mess of things that you think make sense, which sometimes is a lot better.
I have no idea who knows what and what people do know who do know something. Everyone has felt everyday. You have felt the days of the week, an how the weeks turned into a month. For me, I woke up and a month has passed. That is what it feels like for me anyways. Details and the events of the month are given to me in small doses as I am trying connect all the pieces together. I will eventually figure out how to orchestrate this story in the way it should be told and the way God wants me to share it.
Right now, I can't tell you how good it is to lay next to my husband under the covers at night. It is so good to hear Cap laughing in his sleep at 4am. It is so nice to be home for breakfast and to feed Tuolumne with no assistance. It was so good to come home to trucks all over the floor, dirty laundry in the bathroom, and a bassinet in our closet. I am thankful for dishes, ants crawling on my feet, Cap laughing with his dad and the girl sleeping at my feet as a type.
We are all a little different, outside and inside. But next month we will be too.
