fighting for me

written 2 days ago

I must say, being a parent has definitely helped me see different characteristics of God that I thought I once understood. Most recent has been these past 11 days when Cap has been sick. What started out to be a little runny poop, turned into a little drippy nose, then waking up in the morning with boogers plastered all over his face, couldn't eat well because he couldn't breathe, then a fever, then some more poop, then boogers all over the house and all over every piece of clothing article, then less snot, less runny poop, now a stuffy nose and a cough. Ugh. What makes it so hard is that Cap is 11 months old and doesn't understand what is going on with his body!

Nursing went something like this this past week.

Suck, suck suck. Breathe....breathe.... Suck, suck suck. Breathe....breathe....

Sad eyes stare into mine and little small whine asking for help.

I rub his face, stroke his hair, and tell him I am so sorry he can't breathe very good.

I would say I am a compassionate person. I don't like to see anyone or thing hurting. I don't like animals but I have ALMOST adopted some dogs along the way because they needed a home and crossed my path. In my 3 trips over to Africa, I am surprised I didn't come home with a son or daughter! I don't like to see things homeless, unloved, or hurt. It makes my stomach sick.

But now I have this son. My son. Half me, half Bryce who God has given in our care to love, grow, nurture and let go. When he doesn't feel good, it makes me sick to a completely new level. I feel stuff in my insides that I never felt before. What love I have for him! I quickly think of my heavenly Father. What love He has for us!!! There is something just eye opening about His love for us, His children.

Just like Cap was trying to figure out his body and what was going on with it, I very much see God and me in that also. Things going on, trials and persecutions, sickness, lack of friendships...etc. I try to figure it all out and sort through emotions and feelings and truths, and God who sees all and knows what is happening is sitting there telling me. Stroking my hair, letting me lay my head on Him, fighting for me as I am still.

Man, the God who laid the earths foundation and marked off its dimensions fights for me. The God who tells the lightning bolts where to go and tips the water jars from heaven, fights for you. The God who brings forth the constellations in the their seasons and gives the horse its strength fights for us.

Their is much to learn and take from in this whole parent thing. Praying for open ears to hear.