Mom Part 2

Where was I....oh yes, infancy was not so natural like I thought it would be.

I guess it wasn't awkward, but I just wasn't sure what to do ALL DAY long with a baby who couldn't express himself in way I understood yet. The whole babies just eat, sleep, and poop, is a lie too. May some do? Cap was a great sleep until 4 months old too, but there was still a lot of daylight in between eat, sleep, and pooping.

Between 4-6 months Cap stopped sleeping. Wow, that was rough. He didn't even take naps hardly. We called them capnaps. Short 30 minute things that left him just hard to entertain. At first I didn't care because he was still sleeping through the night, but then that stopped too. At 6 months old, we took him to a friends retirement party and stayed up till close till 9 pm. He woke up almost every hour that night. I was miserable and at my end so I sought some sleep guidance.

After 3 days into sleep training Cap, we had a great schedule going. He was so much happier, he could concentrate again on thing, and I for the first time in a while was enjoying the mom gig. What a difference sleep will make!

Finally a month into it, the thought of another baby didn't make me want to throw up. Up till that point I was scared I might never want to do this again. The way my body was I don't think I was physically able to have another one that soon, but at least the thought didn't make me sick!

I was still having a hard time with my role as a mother. I struggled with whether or not I was good at "it". I also missed doing the things that I loved especially the ones I did with Bryce. By not having kids until I was almost 30, I had a lot of time to do great things "freely". A tight sleep schedule and a breastfed baby doesn't leave a whole lot of "freely" in the day. Going from traveling the world, running ultra-marathons, baptizing friends in the Merced River, climbing mountains, shows at coffee houses, teaching and discipling young adults, to Full Time Caretaker of a little helpless boy was just a tougher transition than I ever expected. Because every time I climbed a mountain or spent my entire morning running, I knew one day I wanted to have children and stay at home with them full time.

So I kept trying to figure out how to have both worlds.

Oh and at 8 months, it hit me that I was ready to have another baby. Crazy I know. In the midst of struggling in my mom role, there will still times of peace. I was ready to have another one to disciple and love on. A couple months later we were able to get into the doctor and have my IUD removed.

Some where around that time, we started waking up at 6. I LOVE mornings, and when Cap came around, well, mornings just weren't the same. I was okay with that, but I needed to find some sort of medium with it all and some time where I could be alone. Well, this is one of the best things we did. Instead of the mystery of not knowing when Cap would declare morning, we declared it first! Time to read, be still, and enjoy the AM a little.

to be continued...